The Long Road Back

I stared at the bar. There it lay, on the floor, as if taunting me. I walked over, gripped it securely, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. With every fiber of my being, I grunted and deadlifted all 150 kg of that damn thing off the floor. I set it back down and deadlifted it for another 2 reps. And then for another 3 sets. After the last rep of my last set, I was too weak to even move. I just knelt on the ground, hands still clasped tightly around the barbell, my entire body still in shock from all the weight it had just hoisted. All that went through my mind was, “Damn, it’s good to be back”.

7 months ago, I severely injured my lower back while doing squats. I was warming up with 120 kg when I felt a sharp pain in my lower back. However, being the “warrior” that I am, I decided to push through the pain and continue training. I completed the rest of my leg workout – squats, calf-raises, leg presses, leg extensions, leg adductions and abductions – and even did my scheduled cardio and ab workout, all the while ignoring my lower back’s plea to stop. Of course, I had no idea at that time as to the severity of my injury.

The next day, I could not even get out of bed, much less go to the gym. I just lay there, as if paralysed. My lower back hurt so much that I had to lie in bed for almost an hour before I could roll off it. When I stood up, a sharp pain just shot through my back. The pain was so intense that I let loose a whole series of profanities. For the next three weeks, I had trouble moving – my back was so painful it even hurt whenever I sneezed or coughed. Needless to say, I did not go to the gym at all during this time.

For 3 months after that, I had to wear a thick, leather weightlifting belt to brace my back while working out. I also had to stay away from many of my favourite exercises such as squats, calf-raises, barbell shrugs, deadlifts, bent-over barbell rows, T-bar rows, and all ab exercises.

After this, I decided it was time to start on my own self-designed rehab programme. I stopped wearing the weightlifting belt and started slowing incorporating back the exercises that I had stopped doing since my injury. I had to start very slowly. I was using only one-quarter, sometimes one-fifth, of my usual amount of weight, just to get the muscles used to the movements, practice and perfect my form, and also to slowly strengthen the muscles again. Believe me, that really killed my ego. I had to keep telling myself to proverbially leave my ego at the door and think of the big picture, which was recovery. It was really hard at first. My core had weakened significantly, so much so that my bench presses decreased by about 15 kg. I thus trained my core 3 times a week, doing different exercises for the abs and lower back. On top of that, I did hyperextensions everyday to re-strengthen my lower back.

Eventually, after about 3 months on this rehab programme, I was lifting all my usual heavy weights again; I even increased the poundage for some exercises. However, the “usual weight” for my deadlifts – I was easily deadlifting 150 kg before my injury – still eluded me. Week after week, I lifted with all my heart and might, but I simply could not surpass 140 kg. My lower back, though recovered, was still not as strong as it had been.

But it all changed last week. Last week, I felt good and decided to try deadlifting 150 kg. I slapped on the weights and psyched myself up. There was some doubt in my mind at first as to whether I could complete even 1 set of 3 reps. However, after the first set, some of that doubt went away. The last (i.e. fourth) set was both physically and mentally excruciating. I could feel my entire body trembling from the strain of it all, but I knew I had it in me to complete all 3 reps, so I pushed myself and I did complete all 3 reps.

This injury has taught me several things. Firstly, good form while lifting is of utmost importance. If you screw up your form, you could screw up your body as well, just like I did my lower back. That is why I always emphasise the importance of perfect form. Some people think that I am anal, however, that’s a small price to pay if it means avoiding a severe injury. Secondly, listen to your body. Sometimes, it is alright to stop and go home if you feel you cannot complete a workout due to a possible injury. There’s a fine line between being a warrior and being an idiot. I was an idiot that day for “pushing through the pain” – which actually only aggravated the injury – and it cost me. After all, it was only a training session and not some tournament which I had trained many months for and I could just leave it all in the ring and then take my time to recover. More than anything, I learnt the importance of having the desire.

In 2001, WWE Superstar Triple H tore his left quadricep muscle completely off the bone but returned to the ring better than ever before after about 10 months of hellacious rehab. He had this to say, “If you have the desire, you can come back from just about anything. How bad do you want it? What sacrifices are you willing to make?” There were days when I felt like giving up. There were days that I felt as if I would never recover. There were days where I’d look in the mirror and see myself lifting much less than my “usual weight” and I’d wonder when I’d ever be as strong as I was before. There were demoralising days where I tried to increase the weight but my lower back would cry out in pain and I had to lighten it. It was during these dark days that I remember the words of The Game. I would ask myself, “How bad do you want it, Keith?” The answer I got inside my head every time was the same, “More than anything”. So I pressed on and kept my mind on the goal, which was to recover. I refused to entertain any negative thoughts. In fact, I used the negativity to fuel my desire to get better.

Last week, after I had completed my last deadlift, I knelt in front of the weight, hands still tightly clasped around the bar, sweat pouring from my head, my body still in shock and unable to move from all the weight it had just hoisted, I felt like it had all paid off. All those months of rehab, all the days in the gym battling the negativity in my head, all the time spent working towards this one goal. Every second of it was all worth it. I’m finally back to where I had been, in fact, I’m now mentally tougher.

Damn, it’s good to be back!

(Note: I've posted a more detailed article on my rehab on my other blog, Beefing Up: Keith Wong's Guide to a Better Physique. Click here to read it.)